Lecher ghost

 

The ghost followed me as I searched the graveyard for father's tomb, incessantly pinching my bum.
I felt nothing - because he was a ghost. But it still bugged me.
I snapped.
"What's the point? You can't feel anything anyways!"
My spectral molester cackled.
"Oh, but I remember, I remember!"

The wrong side of Puss

 

My ogre and I peered out of the castle window.
"Who's there?" I asked, myopic even in dreams.
"A cat wearing boots," my ogre said, "And some ... posh fellow. Marquis, I reckon."
My heart sank. I knew how this ended. And I wouldn't be cheering for the winning team.
 

Goodnight

 

They were wired to their pods, the last of them. Living virtual lives.

She stood looking back at the sleepers cocooned in their humming life-supports.
She pulled the lever and the hum lifted. Emergency-lights blinked on. An alarm beeped in vain. While they slowly died.

"Goodnight, human race," she whispered.

Revenge

 

3C had kidnapped their hamster.
After finding the ransom note, they sat scowling from their desk-perches that rainy lunchbreak, sharing uninspired plots of revenge.
Till they naturally turned to her for approval. She'd been icily silent.
"No," she said, walking purposefully towards our science cupboard, " I have  better plans."
 

semaphorist

 

 I began to date a semaphorist, though I knew I would regret it.
One foggy morning, across the runway he spelt out the message I'd been dreading. "I'm leaving you for the Emirates pilot."
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo.
I was going to be the laughing stock of the entire airport.

Ex-mermaid

 

It'd been a year since I'd left the sea.
I raised the seashell to my ear and heard the tinkle of glass and laughter. Perhaps they were having a cocktail party.
Tears flooded my eyes.
They were a bunch of assholes - but Neptune help me, I fucking missed them.

Tiny Tim

 

"But it's Christmas!" my husband protested.
"We're NOT inviting Tiny Tim," I hissed.
"Meanie! It's because he has one leg, isn't it?"
It was the truth, of course. I felt awful.
I looked down at my own two stumps and began to cry.
"He lords it over me," I sobbed.

 

The Mugger

 

The mugger bumped into me, grabbed my handbag and began to run.
"Wait!" I cried out before he turned the corner. He stopped and looked back, wary, as I fumbled in my pocket. I'd suddenly realised something.
"You forget to take my mobile phone," I said, handing it to him.